Dumbass

File this in the "dumb thing to do" file:

Count your money on a subway platform because other people can see you and will grab it out of your hand and run as in, what just happened. Moron.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Excuse me

Ummm excuse me, "if one of yo braids hits me in the mutherfuckin face again I'm gonna rip your fuckin track out yo"

Seriously. I'm really fucking serious. I thought if I spoke like you are to your ghetto ass friend you'd understand.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

You are a real NYer when......

You master the subway turnstyle hip flick.

if you are from here you know what that means.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Questions and Answers

Well Rex, as usual, brought up some good points, so I will just answer him directly in his very own post.

rex said...Four things to say here:

1. He treated you like shit from what you've written here.
Yes, yes he did, I don't deny that fact.

2. Stop making contact with him.
He texted me, I have not had any contact with him in over a year, I haven't not found him, I have not sought him out, I haven't even gone on the band website!


3. It's almost as if you are trying to ruin what you've got going now so you can go back to poor Red that can't find a nice guy because of the ex.
No, I don't want to ruin it and no I don't want to go back to being that girl. I have found a nice boy, this is a minor distraction.

4. Do you enjoy putting yourself in these situations?
No, no I do not. But let me ask you this. If someone said to you, "Come to Europe this weekend. Go to the airport your ticket is waiting" what would you say? It is hard, very, very hard. I am not excepting his bait and I did not answer the phone when he called last night. But damnit I like being treated like that, I like that lifestyle. It is fun and exciting and with it comes risks, ie getting hurt. I'm resisting.

Dangerous waters

Real fucking dangerous waters. What has started off innocent has become bad and fast. I need a life jacket there is a shark swimming around me. Motherfucker.

I'm sinking, I'm sinking! I cannot let him pull me away, I cannot let him pull me under. Must stop listening to my ipod. My change phone number. My stop remembering the absolutely amazing moments. Must remember the hurt and pain and why I never want that in my life again.

Now.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

I've been a bad, bad girl

For not writing, for not explaining, and for my actions for the last few days.

Let me explain......

#1 Where I have been..........Deliriously in love and out of my mind busy at work. Between working 12 hour days and trying to make a home for me and the boy (still the same one, 5 months now, ehhhh!) I have barely had time to eat, let alone write. There has been many a nights where I lay in bed and want to write about my day to all you lovies, but my fingers have been so tired that I cannot physically type out another word and for this, I apologize.

#2 For not explaining........see above, ie busy as fuck.

#3 My actions for the last few days............the day after Thanksgiving Mr.Ex texted me, out of the blue, after a very long time of not talking and I couldn't resist the urge. We have been texting. Me telling him how insanely happy I am without him and him telling me he made a mistake. He is in Europe finishing up the new album and I am in New York in love and happy. I get satisfaction out of knowing his is miserable without me still to this day. I know I shouldn't be texting him, I know, I know but I can't resist. I feel empowered to resist his pleas for me to get on a plane knowing he goes to bed thinking about me while I fall asleep next to the man I love. This is phase and I am sure it will end soon, but for right now, I feel good and I can't wait to hear the songs that come out of this. Hahahahaha.

There you go lovies, I promise to not stray again, I promise to be better about writing, I promise to love you for all time.

The song in particular

It was the perfect song before either one of us knew. I repeated it about 5 times already:


Can you see me
Floating above your head
As you lay in bed
Thinking about everything
That you did not do
Cause saying I love you
Has nothing to do with meaning it

And I don't trust you
Cause every time you're here
Your intentions are unclear
I spend every hour waiting for a phone call
That I know will never come
I used to think you were the one
Now I'm sick of thinking anything at all

You ain't ever coming back to me
That's not how things were supposed to be
You take my hand just to give it back
No other lover has ever done that

Do you remember
The way we used to melt
Do you remember how it felt
When I touched you
Oh cause I remember very well

And how long has it been
Since someone you let in
Has given what I gave to you

And at night when you sleep
Do you dream I would be there
Just for a minute or two do you?

You ain't ever coming back to me
That's not how things were supposed to be
You take my hand just to give it back
No other lover has ever done that

Heartache heartache I just have so much
A simple love with a complex touch
There is nothing you can say or do
I called to let you know I'm through with you


Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile